So tomorrow my love, we would have hit 11 years married, and 13 years together. It’s getting harder to imagine what life would be like right now as the years go by without you…. Life has changed so irreversibly since you took your last breath on Earth. I feel I’ve lived three lifetimes since that night, four years and nineteen days ago. I say it every year, but ours was still my all time favourite wedding that I’ve attended. I know it seems cliche, but it was just seamless…. (apart from you being so hungover you were nearly throwing up all day… and me being so morning sick with Poppy that I had to get a shot in my arse from the doc’s on the way to the ceremony to stop me throwing up all evening…..!) I knew from the first week we were together that I’d marry the shit out of you… and so did you…. you told me every other day! What an ace feeling it is to have your love reciprocated so much so that you never challenge or question that persons love for you, or you of them…. Rare these days, I know. I’m lucky to have found a very different version of this incredible love, but with a different man. Unfortunately for him, he gets the glued back together version of myself. The one with the shot memory, the extra emotions, the shorter temper, the quick to make stupid decisions and the socially anxious one that I am today because of losing you…….. Not to mention the partially broken children that came with me. I often tell him what I was like “before you”, just like I used to tell you what I was like “before Rubes…….” (So much more fun, I swore it!) So here I am explaining away my shitty idiosyncrasies again! Why? I will never know! The mere fact is, we are who we are, I am who I am. You loved the crazy single parent version of me, he loves the screwed up, broken, widowed version of me. Damn, how lucky I am to have always had such love in my life. Before you two, just the love of my family and friends alone would have been enough for one person in a whole lifetime. Anyway…. I’ve gone off the track as usual.
I just wanted to remember you on the eve of our wedding anniversary, remembering this night 11 years ago when I stayed at my folks house with my best bridesmaids, and chatted, and giggled till the wee hours of the morning when we were still trying desperately to put to sleep a three year old Ruby who was too excited for words at the prospect of being our flower girl the following day….. I will never forget that day, and you have made sure I will never forget you and your incredible presence. Thank you for giving me the honour of being a wife, your wife….. It was a role that I will hold dear to my heart until my last breath leaves my body. Happy 11th Wedding Anno Hubby.
XOXO
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