Dear Sir Trenton Arthur Hopkins-Curry….

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Dear Sir Trenton Arthur Hopkins-Curry,

The day you selflessly went and changed your birth name by Deed-pol to Hopkins-Curry so that when we married, Ruby would not be the only one with a hyphenated name, I felt truly blessed to have ever met you. We had only just gotten her birth father to sign the paper-work to allow the change at all, and he refused to change it only to Curry, so we compromised. No-one out of your friends knew that you were taking on my name also….. until they announced us on our wedding night as Mr and Mrs Hopkins-Curry. There was some laughter (you, Ruby and Poppy already having two first names made for a quite a mouth full!) But you proudly stood and said that you wanted our whole family to bare the same name as one another, and my heart melted that you would do such a thing for us, although as anyone that knew you would know,  that was who you were in every aspect of your life. Selfless. There was not a thing that was asked of from friends that you wouldn’t put your hand straight up to do. You were the first person there for your sister when she needed you, you bloody adored her as though your were best mates, not blood relatives. And I bet your folks miss their weekly drunken Trenton phone calls the most…… hours upon hours of talking, slurring, playing them music and telling them just how much you loved them….. no seriously….. you REALLY loved them……! Even until 1 am when they’d already been in bed when you’d first called…. You never made a family member, blood related or not, not feel the deepest of love that a man can share with another human being. Nor your mates….. who four years later still feel the void as much as we all do. I miss that feeling Trent. That certainty in your soul “that everything will always be alright” because your love was like a glue that held us all together, no matter how rough the road, or how bleak the outlook…. you made it seem like we’d all survive…. and that was all that mattered. We have all slowly glued the pieces of our lives back together, but because you impacted us so much in your 37 years on Earth, it is not possible for it to ever look the same as it once did. I have accepted that part now. We have all learned a lot about grief…… it is exhausting, relentless, consuming and draining….. and it sometimes strips you down so that your insides are on the outside and you’ve nowhere to hide. Some days it it more prominent than others, but it’s always there, and I’ve come to accept mine as a new emotion in my body that will never leave, and I’ve just learned to allow it to be present with all the other feelings that us humans have on a daily basis. Through this grief, I have met a lot of friends… all that have survived a loss as great as yours. Including my beautiful partner. As he sat out on the deck with your sister last night, drinking and talking for hours, I knew you’d not only approve of him being here, but sometimes I get this feeling that you hand picked him for us….. we are both damaged by loss, but in a way we have glued ourselves together to survive the aftermath…. and I know that we will continue to pull each other through our darkest hours….. We’ve been thinking of a name for our deck. You know it’s become a tradition to build a space and name it after you -well Juzzie started with T-Dogs Tavern, and Damo followed with T-Dogs Beer Garden….  both incredible spaces to sit and be surrounded by your hilarious and wonderful memories. Well I just got this feeling the other night that ours should be called “Sir Arthur’s Tavern”. (Sir Trenton Arthur Hopkins-Curry’s Tavern may be a little on the long side!) When you selflessly took my name for Rubes, you earned this honour. I remember you had to have new business cards made up for the job you were doing as a Sales Rep at the time, and I convinced you to use all four names on it, because who could possibly forget such an old fashioned, unique sounding name!?? I wanted you to add the “Sir” at the beginning, but that might have been stretching the friendship at your new workplace a little. But the point is everyone remembered you after this… and your name as a rep became quite famous around the traps.

Trenton, it’s been a really, really long four years. People often say to me “Wow, has it already been that long??” But I don’t feel it that way, I have felt every hour, day, week and month as though they were a year a pop. Living in a household surrounded by people that adored you, your photo’s adorning every wall, your memories spoken of every day…. it’s impossible to forget you for a second. But it’s also a constant reminder that you’re gone. I wouldn’t change it, but sometimes I look at your face and I yearn to have a beer with you, a jam, a cuddle, a laugh about the kids…… one of our long talks about the future and what it might hold for us. And it’s still sometimes as tough now as it was the year you died. Time doesn’t heal all wounds, but grief sure does change you forever. Another harsh life lesson, that I would have much preferred to have learned through someone else’s experiences…… but instead so many people I know have learned from mine. Life is short, LIVE the fuck out of it. You did, and thank goodness you did. That will be your legacy that I pass on to your girls…..

See you on the Flip-side Sir Arthur.

Your wife.. xxx