Trenton, today our baby girl started High School…… I cannot believe the day is finally upon us….. I have lost sleep over it since she was in prep, as did you! Which school will suit her? Which school will cope? Which school will see through her behaviour and realise just how incredibly bright she is? Well this is it, after years of school tours, too-ing and fro-ing between ideas, talking about it a thousand times with friends over coffee (or beer) today I had to drop her off and drive away. No more school involvement, or hanging with the Mums in the playground and chatting about how everything is going for our kids…. it’s a “drive and drop” kind of life for her now…. and essentially she’s on her own from here…… In an ordinary life (one that we did not get to live) I would be so very happy for her. But after three months of anxiety attacks, and sleepless nights, and worry over bullying, drugs and having her food spiked at school (yes, a serious concern to her for some reason….) she has flown the coop and is even getting the bus home. It’s an incredible relief I won’t lie….. the build up for someone with severe anxiety is so much worse than the event itself. But it’s here, and she’s done it. I hope when I see her after school she can confirm that it wasn’t as bad as she’s imagined, and that maybe she might even be a little excited for what’s in store for her. Poppy started Grade 3 yesterday, and she too has been nervous as hell. She has had nightmares the last few night, with death and murder and children dying being the main subject. Poor love…. I know she is just scared to start with a new teacher, someone that has to learn her whole story over again. It’s tough being “that kid” who lost their Dad under horrendous circumstances. But to be honest, it’s just tough starting anything new without him by our side, where he always was. It rained today and Pops asked me if she thought Dad was crying on us with happiness that Ruby was so grown up now? I only made it home by the skin of my teeth without bawling my eyes out in front of her. I can’t tell you how proud of those girls I am. I am amazed that as a full grown adult I survived the greatest loss, let alone my girls who experienced it at the ages of 6 and ten…. and now at nearly 9 and 12 and a half….. they have come an awfully long way since that day. I am going back to school this year to tackle a degree. I feel excited and terrified all at once, but I just don’t want anything in life to pass me by. I have a new relationship to be happy about, and with it brings new experiences for my girls and I. This “is” the new phase of our lives…… and although it will always be tainted with the sadness from our losses, we will never take for granted each and every special moment that we get to live. That is one thing I am 100% sure of. Scoop up those very special people in your lives that you hold dear to your heart, and don’t let them go. Not ever…… every moment, whether good or bad shall eventually pass, so enjoy it. XXX
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